As a young adult, I had very little knowledge of who Jesus Christ was. But that did not stop Him from coming to me and revealing Himself in a supernatural, radically life-changing way. How He did this still astounds me some thirty years later:
People either appreciate my zeal or hate it, but no one disputes it. It’s true, I am absolutely passionate about my faith, but I have an incredible, immeasurable reason to be. My personal testimony is far too lengthy and complex to recount here, but please take my word for this: if you could only have seen the person I was before I met Christ, compared to the person I am today, there is no way that you could possibly question the awesome, life-changing power of our blessed Messiah, Jesus. For the sake of brevity, I want to at least share with you, in a nutshell, how I came to know the Lord Jesus Christ and enter into relationship with Him. I promise, every word is true.
I grew up in hell. That’s not an understatement. By the age of two I was already “damaged goods” and life got much worse from there. It was only natural that I would grow into an empty shell of a person fueled only by seething hatred, bitterness and anger.
So many times I thought about suicide. I had even planned it more than once. But my stepfather’s harassing voice echoed through my head telling me that I couldn’t do anything right. I honestly believed that I would fail even at suicide and find myself in a worse predicament yet. The depression then became so fierce that the resulting mental breakdown caused stroke-like symptoms in my body. I thought perhaps I could finally die. Not so. I couldn’t even breathe without my stepfather’s permission, let alone die. He had absolute tyrannical control over my life and it was at his insistence that I found myself in the waiting room of a doctor’s building.
I didn’t want to be there; my death wish was real. It was only a few days before this that I had cried out earnestly to God. I had believed God existed, but figured that the world was so wicked, that He had surely given-up on us, then left us here to our own evil devices.
“God, if you can hear me,” I plead, “Please kill me. I am too big a coward to try it myself. But I don’t want to live. My life is absolutely worthless. You obviously don’t want it, and I don’t either. So please God, just snap your fingers and annihilate me, I beg of you.” I was absolutely serious.
Of course, He did not think my life worthless, and He did answer that prayer. He took my life alright, but certainly not the way I expected. It was in that old doctors’ building that I would encounter Jesus Christ. I had never been taught anything about Jesus and had only vaguely even heard the name. But something miraculous happened that day.
Tired of waiting in the downstairs waiting room, I had walked towards the corridor. There was only one way to turn without running into the outer wall, so I turned in that direction. As I did, however, I felt a hand on my shoulder. There was no one there! Yet the invisible hand literally spun me around.
Now facing towards the outer wall, I found myself gazing at a nearly life-sized painting of the crucified Christ. Instant revelation knowledge filled me so that I understood. My knees buckled and I could not stand straight. Tears rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably.
I looked straight into the face of Jesus hanging on a cross. Standing there in public, oblivious to everyone around me, I asked out- loud, “Why did you do this? Why?” It was then that I heard a voice. I cannot say whether it was audible or not, but I it was clear and sharp, and loving. “I DID IT FOR YOU!” I knew that very second, without human intervention, whose voice it was. I answered aloud, “I’m sorry, I am so sorry.”
A weight was instantly lifted. I cannot even remember if I saw the doctor that day or just left, but I do clearly remember walking outside and marveling at how blue the sky was. Up to that point, I lived in a world that was literally colored with a grayish hue and had a repugnant odor. But on this day, after this wondrous encounter, I heard birds singing and smelled the sweet aroma of flowers for what seemed like the first time. It was as though I had walked through the portal of an entirely new world. Indeed, I had.
For some time after this, I continued to hear God’s voice. He spoke to me often because he knew that I would never have listened to any man nor woman until my heart had time to heal. The very voice of God, my Savior, directed me to go to church. I didn’t even know more than a few people who did that, and they lived out of state. So, I opened a phone book and began visiting various churches. I knew when I had found the right one, for it was truly unlike the world I was trying to escape. I had never stepped foot in a church before, but something deep inside of me knew that church was supposed to be different, and it was —everyone there dressed differently than the world, they spoke differently, and they certainly behaved differently; for this I shall be eternally grateful! One day I answered the pastor’s request to come to the altar to be “saved” –to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I knew so little about the things of God at that time that it hadn’t occurred to me that I had already entered into a relationship with Him at that painting in that old doctor’s building. I had been radically saved and didn’t even know it at the time. All I knew then is that I had personally enounterd the High King of Heaven in a supernatural miracle.
I’ve grown a lot since then. And my spiritual journey has taken many turns, but my precious Lord and savior, Jesus Christ, has led me every step of the way. And I know, without a doubt, that He will continue to do so until my work on earth is finished and I go home to be with Him.
Hopefully, you now understand, at least in part, why I am a passionate bondservant of the Lord God. I am not silent about His love and His mercy because I cannot be silent. This testimony is just the start. I have much more to say; stay tuned.